Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
