look no pants
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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