i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
