Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have demons in me.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
