Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
