so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
