I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
