forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
