I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
