What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
