Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Alive.
So much puke
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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