I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
