The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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