So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
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it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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