It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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