Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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