Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
