Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
