I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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