My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
