they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
