I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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