here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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