you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
