he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
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whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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