someone threw a dead crab at me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
