Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
