youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
