i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
