I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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