Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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