We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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