I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
