My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
