Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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