I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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