your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
