I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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