Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
