She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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