How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
