This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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