just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
