you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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