Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
