I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
