Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
