so explain again why im purple
no
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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