I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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