Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
