you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
