"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
