I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
