He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
