i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
