Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
