Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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