you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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