I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
