Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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