Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
