Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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