just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
