Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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