and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
