So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
