I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and she was petting her beer can
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You were trust falling into bushes
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
