I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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