I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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