please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize