I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
