I'm really into asian looking animals
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
