I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
