be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
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Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
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I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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