My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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