It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
