life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
